AngelOfLostLight

They say we stop looking for monsters in the dark once we realize they’re inside of us.

I believe them.

At ten years old, the first thing I remembered was darkness and fear. I didn’t know anything, didn’t remember anything. All I knew was the cold consuming darkness that enveloped me. Instincts told me I should be scared, and so I was. I was terrified of that darkness, terrified that something within would reach out and grab me and never let go.

But I woke up before it could, and for a few blessed years, I was safe – safe from that monster in the dark, because Odin taught and trained me how to fight and destroy them. I was practically euphoric with thoughts of ridding the world of evil, of protecting innocents from the same pain and fear I’d felt when looking into that darkness.

Never once did Odin tell me he was one of those monsters, or that he was turning me into one.

It was a decade later when the monster reared its head.

Right out of the very dark depths of my soul, it emerged like a black disease that consumed me before I even had a chance to grasp what had happened.

I had killed another human.

And I felt numb.

I had blood on my hands, and I liked knowing I’d just destroyed a monster.

Later on, it occurred to me I’d turned into a monster no better than the ones I kill. Well… I suppose that makes sense.

You cannot destroy a monster without resigning yourself to become a monster. I should have understood that long before I’d taken a life. Odin bred me to be a monster, so I could kill other monsters.

I have accepted that.
 
It happens to all of us, not matter how hard we struggle. Sooner or later, we will succumb to the monsters that dwell deep within our souls. But, that doesn’t mean we can’t protect what little precious light we have left – sometimes, that’s all we can do to prevent ourselves from becoming something truly evil.

And yet, there are those rare few who manage to fend off the monster their entire lives. It’s for these people I fight. These people I put blood on my hands for, so they won’t have to.

These people… who are stronger than me. These people who I admire. These people who I am jealous of.

If I ever remember my past, I wonder if I’ll be able to accept it, knowing what I am and what I’ve done.

My name is Shauna Sarong.

I am a monster who kills other monsters.